| I just want that feeling... Actually... I'd rather them go away...  |
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| Would I be better off without people I care about in my life? If I only sought my own goals and not care about who I hurt in the process? Would that be easier? If I didn't care about who I hurt, I wouldn't get hurt and then I would win. Is there winning? I have no idea... |
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| I think I make decisions in life that make me fall short of where I see myself. I decided to be really involved with music during my high school career so I sacrificed taking AP courses to take a band class. I don't regret it because I enjoyed the classes that I took. However, I can't help but wonder, is that what is making me fall short of my goals?
It's my decision to do things and so I do not feel any remorse for the end result. I chose not to study harder for my SATs so I did not get the higher grades that Ivy Leaguers are getting. There again, I fell short of the qualifications. No matter how much schools try to convince students that SATs are not important and a well-rounded student is whom they seek, it is still the truth. An admissions officer is always impressed by 700s on the portions of the SATs. If I had only devoted more time to preparing... But I'm not sad. My scores are a result of my study habits and those aren't going to change anytime soon. Because of my SAT scores, I fell short of being admitted to schools with tough admissions committees. It's OK. I'm going to be happy at wherever I matriculate to. I know I will be. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade and that's just what I'm going to do.
In All-City, I could have kept my chair as 1st assistant oboe. However, I didn't practice the music enough and again, I fell short in reauditions. I chose to practice other music instead and that was my decision so I'm fine with it. I choose not to practice more with my flute and so I gave up my seat as first chair, first flute. I'm OK with that because I know Jen plays well and she's doing a good job on the part. I'm happy for her. I just know that I need to work on my own level and see how far it takes me.
I see some of my friends happily saying that they are going to this college or that college and me? I have a big question mark over my head. This time, I didn't fall short. I made some twists and turns and ended up here. I'm happy I ended up here because the road less traveled may lead to a great ending  . I'll keep doing what I do and even though I may sometimes find myself falling short, I still have time to improve. That's the great thing about time. We always have more of it. I better take advantage of that while I'm young because as I get older and older, I'll have less and less of it.
I need to make some changes to accommodate myself to college life. Maybe make better study habits. Better scheduling habits. Something around that ball park. I'll make it. I'm certain of that. No falling short on that. 
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| As I sit here contemplating... I wonder what is worth more? Material money or intangible time? If I should stay in America for college, I could choose an option that I would have to stay undergrad for 5 years but have everything paid for. If I go to England, I go to school for 3 years with the knowledge that I will have to pay back money. I am really leaning towards England because how many times in my life will I actually be given the chance to have such an experience as that? Sure, I haven't even been accepted yet but I believe that there is a very big chance that I will be in. I know that I shouldn't be too confident because the most confident people are the people who fall the hardest. But I have to think big to achieve big right? There's so many ideas from renowned scholars that contradict each other. *sigh* I have but 4 more days before I make my final decision. I will try to stretch out those days as long as possible. I am happy in high school. For the most part anyway. I'm not ready to be thrown into the abyss of the adult world with debt and confusion. It was like it was yesterday that I was running around with my friends laughing and giggling. Wait... It WAS yesterday hehe. I miss it Well... Given the choice, I would rather grow old than stay alive forever. Don't want to disrupt the balance of nature. I want to do great things! But we all have to leave sometime |
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| Sometimes, we meet some not-so-nice people. Sometimes, we meet people who never stop giving. I am happy for those meetings with the people who think more than about themselves. Those are the kinds of meetings I wouldn't mind having more of. Yesterday, at the bus-stop, I shared a very nice conversation with a lady who seemed up in her years but her mind was sharp nonetheless. It was pleasant. |
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